


As Long As You're Alive

by Chaos_and_Roses



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: And dark, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But also not, Confessions, Happy Ending, I'm really not sure, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Confessions, M/M, Reunions, Sad, Ten Years Later, This Is Sad, and I'm not sure where it came from, maybe? - Freeform, sorry - Freeform, you're welcome???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26413747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_and_Roses/pseuds/Chaos_and_Roses
Summary: Tsuna glanced over at the clock again, taking in the soft ticking. He sat up, straightening the way he’d been taught to always do.He was still in his suit, uncomfortable as it was, it was the only thing that felt familiar at this point. There was still the irritable urge to reach down and straighten it. Tuck his dress shirt into his pants. Redo his tie. Button his blazer.All the things he was expected to do automatically, and all the things he shouldn’t care about. Not anymore.
Relationships: Reborn/Sawada Tsunayoshi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	As Long As You're Alive

**Author's Note:**

> I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew... Jeez. Ok, so I feel really bad that I haven't been working on MSA so I wrote to give you guys _something_. 
> 
> On another note, I love my editor. She's great. This story was so iffy before she looked at it, and somehow she managed to keep the parts I was most excited about and highlight the parts that made it crap. So... yeah, say your thanks to sirena_sensei, everyone.
> 
> This is depressing... It does get better but be warned. 
> 
> (And have I mentioned I love my editor ^_^)

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Tsuna watched the clock impassively.

It was dark and he couldn’t tell the time from where he was sitting, but the consistency of the ticking was comforting.

He sighed, shifting into a more comfortable position, and allowing his head to loll back onto the top of the bench. He closed his eyes, taking in the muffled sounds of traffic. Cars rushing overhead, honking, an occasional shout. The city that was so inviting and pleasant during the day pulled a complete one-eighty after dark. 

That didn’t just apply to civilians.

No. It applied to Cosa Nostra too. 

More, even.

The night held a lot of evil since people tend to get brave when they think no one’s watching. The _smart_ ones get bolder because they know the right people are watching.

People who wouldn’t sell them out. People who valued their depravity.

People who were worse than them.

Wasn’t that what Cosa Nostra was all about? Living– No, _ruling_ from the shadows. Committing crimes, hurting people, but only where no one could see. Of course, people knew they existed, but they didn’t understand.

It wasn’t their place to understand that they were being herded like sheep. Meticulously controlled by the shadow puppeteers.

He laughed quietly. Shadow puppeteers. How fitting.

Tsuna glanced over at the clock again, taking in the soft ticking. He sat up, straightening the way he’d been taught to always do. 

He was still in his suit, uncomfortable as it was, it was the only thing that felt familiar at this point. There was still the irritable urge to reach down and straighten it. Tuck his dress shirt into his pants. Redo his tie. Button his blazer. 

All the things he was expected to do automatically, and all the things he shouldn’t care about. Not anymore.

Still. He couldn’t help but purse his lips when he imagined how disappointed Reborn would be. He hadn’t seen the man in years, but the thought of letting him down made Tsuna uncomfortable. Even if he was a failure in every other aspect, he decided he could at least attempt to look presentable.

He owed him that much.

Tsuna took a few moments to straighten his suit, fingers skirting the patches of soaked fabric, then ran a hand through his hair. 

Satisfied, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was banged up pretty bad. The screen shattered into a spiderweb, several pieces of glass missing. Even the metal casing was rough. The number of dents in the back made it look like the victim of a miniature meteor shower.

He sighed, hoping it’d work anyway, and turned it on. 

12:23 AM.

Well, then. Just a little longer.

His eyes found their way back to the clock on the wall, letting the phone shut itself off.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

It was funny that everything had happened here. In Rome, of all places. Considering it was supposed to be neutral territory, no one had expected the ambush. It was interesting that someone would be desperate enough to attack Vongola that they’d risk incurring the Vindice’s wrath.

They’d dealt with the situation to the best of their abilities, but their attackers had trapped them in the meeting room before jumping in.

And Tsuna… Tsuna was a lot more ill-prepared than he’d be comfortable admitting. He wondered what Reborn would say when he found out. What would he think? How disappointing would it have been to see his student lose his guardians because of his failure to prepare accordingly?

Plan for every scenario. Wasn’t that what he was taught?

Tsuna sighed, eyes burning. It didn’t matter at this point. Reborn would hear things, he probably had already, but no one could tell him what really happened. The only person left alive in that room was him, and it was unlikely he’d be much help piecing together the story after tonight.

He turned his phone back on.

12:25 AM.

This time he unlocked the device, his thumb leaving bloody smears across the screen. He opened his Photos. 

Maybe it was an unhealthy habit, but he tended to scroll through the photos he’d taken in the past to remind himself of what could’ve been. If he’d been stronger in his resolve to stay a civilian. If he’d made a different call. If he’d noticed something was wrong.

To be completely honest he didn’t much regret the first one. He enjoyed being Vongola X. Even if it wasn’t ideal, the pros far outweighed the cons. 

He had the opportunity to stay with his family, train with them, laugh with them for as long as he had. He’d changed into someone he was proud of, and he’d had a chance to meet Reborn… Reborn was, well, important. Their relationship had always been a bit complicated, but without him, Tsuna would’ve been stuck in a very dark place.

The hitman had done a lot for him. He’d taken him in when no one wanted him and turned his life around. He’d given Tsuna a family to cherish and protect.

Reborn taught Tsuna what love is.

So even if Reborn had never given him the opportunity to express what he felt, even if he’d disappeared from Tsuna’s life without so much a goodbye. Tsuna could never regret knowing him, and he certainly wouldn’t regret loving him.

The man had his own reasons for doing what he’d done, and even if it had hurt he respected Reborn enough to trust his judgment. It hadn’t been the right time. It might _never_ be the right time, certainly not now. And that was okay. You couldn’t chain someone who wasn’t meant to be chained.

Tsuna let his eyes slide shut again. It was so dark down here. The lights were shut off because of earlier’s power outage and the damage done to the backup generator. He hadn’t really been thinking past his rage when he fired off an X burner in such a tight space, luckily no one had come by to fix it.

It was fine. The darkness suited him better anyway. It helped conceal all the ugly parts of himself he didn’t care to show the world. Plus it meant he didn’t have to look at the trashy subway terminal.

Not the best view in your last few minutes of life.

He checked his phone again.

12:28 AM.

_Good enough._

Tsuna stood, stretching lightly as he tried not to aggravate his wounds. He made his way to the edge of the tracks, staring into the black pool of darkness. It was interesting that certain shadows could look darker and deeper than others. It made the nothingness fascinating to observe.

After a few moments of staring, Tsuna hopped off the ledge, stumbling slightly when he hit the uneven ground. It didn’t help that he could barely see the outline of his feet.

He took a few cautious steps forward, feeling around in front of him until he was standing in the middle of the tracks.

Once he was situated he took another look at his phone.

12:29 AM.

He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. The sounds of the incoming train hadn’t reached him quite yet, but they would soon.

“Tsuna.”

His eyes snapped open.

The voice wasn’t loud. His name was spoken as barely a whisper. A familiar deep, baritone muttered sadly in the dark.

Slowly, he raised his eyes towards the platform, stopping at the sight of the man’s shoes. He wasn’t sure he could handle seeing the look on Reborn’s face.

Tsuna cleared his throat, swallowing nervously. “I didn’t hear you coming.”

The man gave a small snort. He knew it was supposed to be a laugh, but there was something so broken about the sound that made something inside of him shrivel in shame.

“You never do.”

“I never _did_.” Tsuna corrected, inwardly wincing. He didn’t really want to start an argument with the hitman. Not now.

It was just that– It _hurt_. It really, really hurt when Reborn left, and no matter how much he understood, which he did, it would continue to sting. Eating away at him like an opened wound.

A wound he was now suffering the consequences for.

“Yeah,” Reborn said. They fell silent.

Tsuna shifted uncomfortably. He wondered briefly where the train was but realized it’d probably be running late due to the power outage.

“Why are you here?” The brunet finally asked.

“Why are _you_ here?” Reborn snapped back.

At that Tsuna’s eyes shot up to the hitman’s face, an ugly scowl twisting his features.

“Why do you think? Need me to spell it out for you?” He spat. “Greatest Hitman in the World my ass.”

“Yes.”

Tsuna froze. The word wasn’t loud but still managed to reverberate throughout the room.

A promise of anger.

“Yes.” Reborn repeated, voice hoarse and laced with emotion. “You have fought over and over again, for _years_. You’ve had so many obstacles thrown in your way. You’ve lost so many people. You’ve sacrificed so much, and this is what makes you want to give up? Your guardians gave _everything_ for you, Tsuna.”

He recoiled at the hitman’s words, shifting back as Reborn’s voice started to rise. He’d never heard the man actually raise his voice before, but he was about to.

“They gave their lives for you because all they wanted in that moment was for you to keep living,” Reborn growled at him. “Because they cared about you, and here you are practically spitting on their graves.”

A storm of emotions hit him. Fear, guilt, betrayal, anger, hurt.

“It’s not your problem! Not anymore. You _left_. You dragged me into this disgusting side of the world and walked out. Don’t walk in here telling me about wasting my life, when you aren’t part of it anymore.”

Reborn winced.

Tsuna glared at him, bitter tears streaming down his face. “And you know what? You weren’t there, so let me enlighten you. When you left I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I didn’t know what to do, Reborn. You taught me about the decisions of those before me. You taught me to defend myself. You taught me all about the history behind our problems, but you never taught me how to deal with those issues! No one bothered to show me how to do my job, they all just left me to clean their messes. Nono. My dad. _You_. My guardians were the _only_ ones who stuck by me. The only ones who helped me while I was stumbling around in the dark. And now they’re fucking gone!”

His tutor stared at him, wide-eyed. In any other situation, he’d probably be gloating over the way he’d shattered the hitman’s mask. Left him bare for the world to see as pure emotion ran across his face.

The only thing he could bring himself to do was whisper a small, “I have nothing left to live for.”

Reborn was silent for a moment. “You’re right.”

Tsuna’s eyes dropped to the floor.

The hitman approached the edge of the platform quickly, then hopped down to stand beside him.

“You’re right. You have nothing to live for.” Reborn said, reaching forward to tilt his face up. “You never cared much for Vongola, I knew that from the beginning. You did everything you’ve done for your guardians, your family, and maybe at some point for me. But then I left, and I know– _I know_ that hurt you. I know that by doing that I betrayed you. I knew then and I know now that I was doing the same thing your father did to you– Hell, the same thing your mother did to you. I abandoned you. _I know_. I–”

Reborn cut himself off, jaw clenching. He sighed a heavy, weary sound. He took a moment to wipe Tsuna’s tears away and brush the hair out of his eyes. Reborn slipped his other arm around Tsuna’s waist and tugged him closer, tucking him into his chest.

He inhaled sharply at the action but didn’t pull away. The brunet relaxed in the hitman’s arms, hands trailing up his chest and fisting his shirt.

Reborn started to speak again. “I know what I’ve done because I’ve had to live with it every day since I did it. Knowing what it would do to you. But you have to believe me when I say that I never thought it would end like this. I thought my leaving would be doing you good, giving you room to grow. I didn’t think it would ruin you.”

He fell silent, seemingly at a loss for words.

Tsuna sighed softly, shifting his head into the crook of Reborn’s neck as the hitman pressed his nose into his hair.

They sat there for a long moment, breathing each other in.

“You’ve grown,” Tsuna remarked. “It looks like the last of the curse is gone.”

Reborn gave an amused huff, something he wouldn’t have heard if the man weren’t so close. “Yeah. What was I– 18? The last time you saw me. Maybe a year after that, it went away completely.”

Tsuna hummed. “How old are you now?”

“26. A few years older than when I was cursed. When I hit my original age I started aging normally again, thank goodness. If not for that I’d be all wrinkly and gray in no time.”

He snorted. “Lucky for the rest of us. What would the world do without our resident beauty queen.”

Reborn chuckled, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his head.

“I missed you.” The hitman told him quietly.

Tsuna didn’t reply.

_I missed you too._

He let his eyes fall shut, listening to the noise of the approaching train finally rattling against the tunnel’s walls.

It would be over soon.

He felt a twinge of sadness at that. He’d been so set on this before, but now that he was here– not alone– it seemed like a bad idea.

Before, the thought of dying had given him comfort, but now it was becoming frightening.

He was still hurting. Mentally, and emotionally, and physically battered. But this little moment had reminded him the world could be good sometimes, too. That his smiles and laughter weren’t always faked.

Above all, it was nice knowing that someone still cared.

Tsuna opened his eyes, wondering why Reborn hadn’t pulled away. Surely he could hear the train?

He pushed him away gently, taking in his face one last time.

“You should go.” He whispered.

Reborn’s expression was soft, tender as he stroked Tsuna’s cheek almost reverently.

“Tsuna.” He said.

“Yeah?”

“You said you don’t have a reason to live.”

“I don’t.”

“Let me give you one.”

Tsuna’s eyes widened.

“I can’t fix what’s happened,” Reborn said softly, but with urgency. “I can’t undo the hurt you’ve suffered– That you’re still suffering. But I am asking you, _begging_ you to live. Live for your guardians. For me, and most of all for yourself. Think of all the things you always wanted to do, the things you’d tell me about. Do you remember?”

He did. He remembered telling Reborn he wanted to travel the world. Wanted to see the Eiffel Tour and Big Ben, and visit little villages in the middle of fucking nowhere. He remembered telling Reborn he wanted to go to the hitman’s home town with him and try to track down his family. He remembered… he remembered… well, there was a lot.

“All those things that you never got to do.” Reborn continued. “Sure, you’ve traveled, but never on your terms. Do that. Live, and I will be by your side every step of the way. I will never leave you again, I swear it.”

It was true. He’d never done those things because he’d always been busy. He’d pushed those thoughts away because they were irresponsible, and because his position had been more important.

Could he even still do that?

“You can,” Reborn confirmed. Tsuna didn’t even wonder how he knew anymore. “As long as you’re alive you get a choice. You can fight for what you want. You can have as many chances as you make for yourself. Don’t you want to live?”

Now as he looked up at the man he’d thought he’d lost, he wanted it. God, he wanted all of it. Because everything, every emotion, every desire, every need he’d repressed was rushing back, and he was still so fucking in love.

It didn’t fix anything, but it was enough to make him want a second chance.

“Vongola–” Tsuna started shakily, only to be cut off.

“Vongola can go fuck itself,” Reborn said harshly. “We’ll go back and make the necessary arrangements. It’s about time the blood lock on the rings was removed anyway. We’ll find someone who you’re comfortable with taking over and train them, thoroughly this time. We’ll help them find their guardians, and when that’s all done we’ll go live our lives. You deserve it. You deserve your second chance, Tsuna. Please let me give it to you.”

Tsuna stared up at the man known as the Greatest Hitman. They called him murderer, demon, monster. If only they knew. If only they could see him now. Because for once the shadows weren’t hiding more darkness. They were hiding a heart of gold.

He smiled, nodded, and let Reborn pull him back towards the platform, hoisting him upwards as the train’s headlights appeared in the tunnel. Let him hold him close, kissing him gently as the train whipped by.

They stood in the dark for a long time until Reborn laced their fingers together and led him out of the terminal, up, up, up the stairs, and into the lively city.

Maybe things would be alright after all. Maybe he did deserve a second chance. Maybe they could make this work.

So when Reborn glanced over his shoulder at him, still clutching his hand tight, and smiled, he smiled back and stepped closer.

The night held good things too. This was one of them.

_I love you._

_I love you too._

`“One day we will remember how lucky we were to have known their love, with wonder, not grief.”`

`Anonymous`

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo... What do you think? What are your likes and dislikes? Let me know below!


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